I've started keeping a prayer journal for the first time in my life. Recemlly, I asked God to have the Holy Spirit give utterance through me if I were to speak for Him. I obviously had in mind addressing the little church group 2 doors down which I have been asked to do. I did not have anything in particular in mind. The next morning, when I sat down and prayed , the first thing I did was note in my prayer book that this prayer had not been answered.

The second thing I did (it may have actually been the first) was to review my memory verse from yesterday which was John 5:19. It reads, in the King James Version, "Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you; the Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever the Father doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise."

I've had a little trouble memorizing this verse because of the awkward language. I believe this has caused me to pay special attention to what it says. I then turned to the workbook in "Experiencing God" and continued with my morning devotional. I was impressed with the need to realize that God is always with us; always loves us; always answers our prayers and that what we need to do is expect an answer and watch for it.

I started thinking about my own father and growing up with him. I don't ever remember him telling me that he loved me but I always knew that he did. He was a quiet man and peaceful if not timid. He worked hard. He worked long hours and did so come rain or shine seven days a week. He would take time out to go to church or the Masons, and later in life, Lions Club meetings.

I thought about what a gentle and kind man he was and how he had left Nebraska at age 17and come to California as a hobo on freight trains with an older man who knew the ropes. My father left Nebraska after he lost a large number of lambs in a spring blizzard which was unseasonable both in the lateness of its occurrence and in its ferocity.

He gave what was left of his flock, his horses (they had no tractors), his farm equipment, and his right to farm his father's land and came to California. I remember him telling me that he walked around all night during the storm kicking the lambs to make them get up because they would lie down, be covered with snow, and smother. It was spring and they were lambing (giving birth) and many newborn lambs were lost. As I recall he said he cried the entire time because he could not save the lambs. This experience was so traumatic for him that he gave up farming and refused to eat lamb for his entire life saying that they were so gentle and trusting that he could not bear to think of one of them being killed. As an aside, think of how the Hebrews must have felt when they sacrificed one of their lambs and how meaningful the expression and appellation of "The Lamb of God" is.

When I was nine months old my family moved to Hemet California where my father had purchased 10 acres with a barn on it. We lived in the barn.

While living in the Los Angeles area and before marrying my mother my father worked as an apprentice to a sign painter and learned the craft. As a sign painter he had taken a job with the Ford Motor Company which, in those days, delivered new trucks or other vehicles with signs on them as ordered by the customer.

The Ford assembly plant shutdown to change over to V8 engines and my father, having learned to paint automobiles while at the Ford assembly plant, opened a body and paint shop.

When Ford started production again he got all the special order new vehicles to repaint and sign according to customer specifications. As I recall, he had 12 men working and was doing well when we had to move to Hemet for my sister's health.

In the beginning, we had no plumbing and no electricity and, of course, no telephone. However, over the years, the barn became a home and the home was improved to include plumbing and electricity. In time, we shared a telephone party line with others which was, in those days, common and if you chose to do so you could listen to your neighbors.

My father farmed our 10 acres upon which we had chickens, pigs (at one time a couple of hundred of them) cows and various other animals from time to time but never sheep (long after I left home my mother raised a few sheep for wool but I do not remember her ever killing any. This may have been after my father died.) We also grew a variety of crops on the property until my father finally planted it to peaches.

Upon moving to Hemet he opened a body and paint shop where he also painted signs and branched out into general painting contracting. After a few years he built a shop on the 10 acres which had two other barns and moved his business to that location.

I grew up helping my father both in his farming and animal husbandry activities as well as his painting business.

My father suffered a serious injury when I was age 5 and could not work for a year and I, as the only son, became very important to him. I worked for him and with him and did everything I could to help him from that time on. In the beginning, of course, this was a very small contribution. Looking back on it , however, I am sure it warmed his heart to have his young son helping him.

My father arose early and at 5 a.m. every morning would call me to get up. He called once and I got up. My father was not one to be disobeyed and I had cows to milk, milk to separate, hogs to slop, chickens to feed, and sometimes wood to bring in before school. I would then work after school until dark or, in some cases into the night and when we had irrigation water which we got for 24 hours at a time, I would work well into the night. In the summer and during vacations I worked from sunup until dark or later.

The point of all of this is that I spent a lot of time working side by side with my father doing his work. He was always there. He always loved me although he never said so and when he corrected me it was always for my good and not for his.

My relationship with my father was such that it is very easy for me to experience God and to hear Him speak to me through my circumstances and through His Word. It's relatively easy for me to believe that He is going about His work all around me, that He is inviting me to help Him with His work, and that my contribution, however meager, is welcome.

It also helped me understand how one can pray without ceasing as we are told to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Prayer means to me to be in communication with God. I was in communication with my father night and day as I was growing up because that was our relationship. Except for sleeping and going to school and a few activities with my friends from time to time, I was always with my father and in communication with him. I think this is what 1Thessalonians 5:16 through 19 means. At least, in my case, it lends special meaning to the those verses.

It also helps me to know and understand and believe that God loves me without having to have Him tell me so all the time. However, He does tell me this in many ways not the least of which is His Word.

What a sacrifice He made for me that I might be saved, for example.

When my father died I was devastated. I viewed his entire adult life as having been a sacrifice for his family and it made me very sad. It did not appear to me that he had done anything in his life to speak of for himself. I set about doing everything I could do to make myself happy at the expense of my family (wife and children,) my clients, my law partners, the rest of my family, and my friends. I finally gave that up as a bad show and I now realize that my father was doing precisely what he wanted to do and that was to do everything he could for those he loved. This was what he was doing for himself. This is what God is doing.

I believe it also makes it easier for me to see that God is at work around me, and that He not only loves me but has invited me to help Him with his work. He does not require that I do something grand but only that I try to help.

It's also easy for me to listen or at least easier for me to listen as a result of my relationship with my natural father. I learned farming and animal husbandry, sign painting, automobile painting, and house painting from my father and more importantly I learned patience, unselfishness, the importance of hard work, the importance of character, the importance of doing a good job at whatever I did and many other things. To the extent that I have a good character, I can thank my father.

The bottom line is that my Heavenly Father now occupies the position formerly occupied by my natural father and is even more loving, unselfish, and concerned about my character and my life. It's relatively easy for me to imagine being with my father and this is true with respect to both my natural father and my Heavenly Father.

Until this morning, I thought of God as being located somewhere in the ether and that, if I were lucky and He had time, He would hear one of my prayers or its substance would be conveyed to Him by His angels or they would have authority, on their own, to respond to my requests and hear my praises on His behalf.

I now know, as a result of thinking of the relationship that I had with my father; the fact that he was always there; the fact that he was always working; the fact that I was always invited to help him with his work; the fact that he always appreciated my contribution; the fact that he always had my interest at heart as opposed to his own; the fact that the things we did were for the benefit of the entire family; the quality of his character, and the tenderness of his heart, I now feel closer to God. I feel like God is always with me and that He is not with me from time to time but always and that I am in constant communication with Him even when I'm doing something that does not appear to be spiritual.

I also believe that He has my welfare at heart. He says He does and I believe Him. In Jeremiah 29:11 God says "For I know the plans that I have for you, 'declares the Lord,' plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope."

I find it significant that He doesn't tell me that He knows what my plans are for Him or for myself. They are His plans, not mine. I, for one, seem to always be making my plans and deciding what I want to do whether it's to help God or otherwise and asking Him to help me to be successful in my endeavors. What I should be doing is paying attention to Him as His plan unfolds. He is the man with the plan. It is my job to read His instructions to me in His Word, to pray, to expect His answer, to watch for it, and when I have His answer to act on it without delay. It's not unlike my natural father calling me at 5 o'clock in the morning to get up. I knew he meant right away and not when I felt like it and not after I caught another wink or two of sleep. There was work to do.

I doubt if I've been totally successful but what I've tried to do is convey just how instructive my relationship with my natural father has been, and how it has enhanced my understanding of my relationship with God and understanding His love for me.

I don't know what those who grew up without a father can find to replace this experience. There may not be anything and they may have to acquire their understanding of their relationship with God in a different way. I am sure that he will extend His love to them and make Himself known to them in some other way peculiar to them and their background.

Nonetheless, the importance of a father in the home during the rearing of children cannot, in my view, be overstated. In today's society we have two women raising children, two men raising children, women raising children with a series of men in and out of their lives, men raising children with a series of women in and out of their lives, and a small percentage of couples (a man and a woman) engaged in the joint enterprise of raising children to be hard-working, moral, devout, kind, and generous. May God bless and keep those so engaged.

When I first heard the story about Jack Murtha whom, incidentally, I consider to be a traitor, talking to  FBI agents about accepting a bribe of $50,000, it was clear that he was negotiating with them about accepting it but was afraid of getting caught.  He even bragged about being able to get the job done for them.  However, I thought he had dodged the bullet because they never really got him to accept the money.

You would think a lawyer would be a little quicker with his analysis.  It was a crime for him not to report the attempted bribery much less negotiate with them and brag about being able to produce on his end if he accepted..  I realized that this morning.  However, whether he committed a crime or not he is definitely a slime bucket.

I know all the returns are not in but I have heard enough to make me very sad.